The Damage Diet Culture Plays on Our Mental Health

When I look at the person on the right...the heavier person, I see someone who is more confident than she has ever been and I know, (since I am that girl 😉) that it is because of the work I did on the inside, not because of how many salads I ate or miles I ran.

Following people is a choice we all have and just as I have cut out news and movies that don’t make me feel good, I have also done the same with social media.

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Intensive Mothering.

The problem came when I tried to be someone I’m not. The problem came when I thought that my way was wrong.

I tried to be hands on for a really long time. I tried to be “that Mom. The one crafting and cooking and running with her BOB stroller, and home schooling, and all the stuff, but it quickly turned me into an angry mom.

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We don't do birthday parties.

I wanted to talk to you all today about the huge party we aren't having. She's four, and she is getting older, and I know how special these days are to some people...they are to me to, believe me, but to me, the big party, the big wrapped gifts, the friends and family you invite over on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon to come celebrate the big day is just so stressful to me. 

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When Running Goes From a Healthy Hobby to a Dangerous Obsession

It still wasn't enough. Every glance in the mirror infuriated me. I was trying so hard, but all I saw were flaws. On Instagram Beach Body was at its peak in popularity and the before and afters of these women who were succeeding at something I so desperately wanted to achieve killed me. Post after post, woman after woman, rail thin and not an ounce of apparent fat on them.

Why was I so different? 

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I am not a dependent

I am tired of being a "dependent". I am a lot of things but nothing about the word "dependent", defines me. I want more opportunity...more recognition for my fellow spouses, and more support than what an Ombudsman or our MWR currently offer. I want accessible services that won't take thirty phone calls and insider to find. I want a village of women who I can share my life with without having to talk to a bunch of women who's husband works with mine. I want my own life. I want to share my heart freely without fear of being seen as "weak". I don't want to push my feelings down so that I can keep up the facade of the doting officers wife. I just want to be able to love the man I do without a vow of service to an apron and rogue goldfish. I want to be someone. I want to be whole. 

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Books that changed my life: Wise Talk from the Other Side

Recently I have found myself slipping back into my old ways. Rage pops in when I least expect it and my confidence is wavering. As I sit here sipping on my coffee thinking back on this last week, I know exactly why I am angry. I know exactly where my feelings of worthlessness are coming from. I won't go into all the details, but I will tell you that it is my own fault. I have exposed myself this past week in new ways and I have let other people decide my worth. I have slipped back into my old patterns and I have had a burning need for others to validate what I am doing with my life. I have given away my power.

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