The Husband Who Couldn't Find the Laundry Basket
Do you have a husband who leaves his dirty clothes on your spotless floor that you just cleaned? Do you have a husband who doesn't quite understand what it's like to have to take a poo while someone crawls all over you? Do you have a husband whom you beg to validate the hard work and effort that goes into the clean house, the happy kids, the fully stocked refrigerator? Do you have a husband who comes home after eight hours away just to sit on the couch and stare at his phone? Do you have a husband who sleeps through the screaming child in the middle of the night...every. single. time?
Oh, you too?
Do you know what I want to say to my husband? The one guilty of every single thing mentioned above???
Thank you. Thank you for showing up. Thank you for being there for me when I am at my worst. Thank you for showing me grace when I may not deserve it. Thank you for loving me through the hormones, the insecurities, the stubbornness. Thank you for seeing me for who I really am and not the monster I know I can be when the kids are driving me insane. Thank you for making me laugh when all I want to do is cry. Thank you for all the dinners you cook. Thank you for letting me go out with my friends and for knowing the value that they all bring to my life. Thank you for working so hard to support our family. Thank you for taking over baths (even though you soak your feet whilst drinking a martini) so that I can sweep the floor and end the night with a clean house for a fresh start in the morning. Thank you for understanding how important preschool was for me and my sanity. Thank you making me feel pretty even when I don't shower, and thank you for making every ordinary event feel like one giant party.
You see, I could list a dozen things he does wrong yet twice as many things that he does right, but for some reason I often find it so easy to just focus on the bad. I focus on his shortcomings much like I focus on mine, but just as I so often am seeking grace, I forget that he too is just as deserving. I forget that he too is learning how to parent, just as I am. I forget that even though he gets to pee in silence that he faces stress and pressure that I don't always understand. I forget that he misses out on moments he will never get back with the kids. I forget that he works hard so that the kids are able to grow up with a mom who is there for them when he can't be. I forget that he can't read my mind and that sometimes I have to spell things out for him because when I tell him everything is "fine" he takes my word for it. I forget about all the wonderful things he does not only for the kids, but for me as a human being. He makes me a better person every. single. day., yet so often I find myself angry because there is some of his dirty laundry on the floor.
I promised myself when I started to become more self-aware last year that it was not only to make me a better mom, but to also make me a better wife. It is important to me to be great for my kids, but even more important to be great for my husband. I choose to do it, not because I want something in return or because I need validation from time to time, but because I want to give my marriage 100% every single day...on the days he does deserve it, and even more so on the days he may not. I am all in with our marriage and I hated being the person who criticized and had unattainable expectations for him yet subpar ones for myself. Every day I wake up and ask myself what I can do to be better. What can I do to make sure he knows how much he is appreciated? What can I do to make sure he knows how handsome he is and how his awful sense of humor makes me laugh, and I want to make sure he knows that he is my best friend in the whole world and that for better or worse, I will always be his number one fan. I want him to know that I am going to work hard on being happy so that I can be a happy wife.
Today and every day I am grateful for the wonderful husband I have and for the incredible life we worked so hard for. My family is my world. So, today and every day going forward, I choose to be a better version of myself so that they get the best version of me, (even if after six years he still has no idea where the laundry basket is ;)