Kait's Story: My Choice in Motherhood
Hi everyone! My name is Kait and I am the blogger and writer behind CommuniKait. I'm a teacher by day, writer by night and nonstop creative who lives for traveling, cooking/baking and adventuring around Hawaii (...and beyond!) with my amazing husband, Dane.
The internet can be an awful place (hello internet trolls filled with judgement and hate), but it can also be a fantastically awesome way of networking and meeting people. I "met" Julie through Instagram a number of years ago and I've loved keeping up with her and her adorable family over the years. When she launched Raw Honey Mamas, I was so proud of her for showing motherhood through an often hidden lens, particularly when it comes to how it is portrayed on the internet. So I guess you're wondering how many kids I have and how old they are, right? Well, I hope you're not disappointed...
This is my family.
I've always been "that girl" when it comes to the topic of motherhood. Growing up, I didn't pretend to be a mom and carry around baby dolls, or have visions of one day filling a house with children. As I grew older, motherhood wasn't on my "someday" list; in fact, it wasn't something I was interested in at all. One day I timidly said to my mom "I don't think I ever want kids. What's wrong with me?"
There are about a million reasons why my mom is the best, but what she told me ranks pretty high on the list. She explained there was absolutely nothing wrong with me and that not wanting children was a choice so fiercely personal that I should not waste a single second worrying about what someone else might think about it. As long as I was confident in my choices, that was all that mattered. And ultimately it's my life, so I should be at the helm of decision making.
When Dane and I met, I was so blunt about the pause to have children that I'm surprised he didn't turn around and run right off. Instead, he explained that he completely understood; he supported me. He expressed that maybe one day he would like a family, but that if it never happened - it never happened. We've been together five years now and slowly, the idea of having a child together isn't sounding so unrealistic. That said, plenty of people we know (and also complete strangers!) have weighed in on our decision. Some of my favorite lines include:
"You two are too cute not to reproduce!"
"Are you infertile?"
"You're getting older, you know."
"You can still do all the same things with a baby."
The most common reaction I get from people is..."But children make your life so full." And maybe that's so, but I promise you, my life is full. It's full of amazing experiences, a fantastic and supportive husband, domestic and international travel, a teaching and writing career, a life in Hawaii that my husband and I have built together, two incredible dogs that keep us on our toes, happiness, laughter, love and so much more. I often think an assessment is made about my life based on someone else's definition of fulfillment.
I think this is a really great time to include the sentiment that I'm not a cold-hearted child hater, I promise. I am genuinely happy and excited for my friends who share pregnancy announcements, adorable baby photos and birthday party cake smashes. I carry the burden of grief with friends who miscarry, experience loss and have infertility struggles. I host baby showers, attend kid parties and joyfully smile when a baby in the grocery store waves excitedly. Just as my friends and family help me celebrate my life, I would never think twice about celebrating theirs.
I guess all of this is to say - thank you to Julie for asking me to come here and share my perspective. So often, women are shown a linear view of what society thinks we should do, but that mold doesn't work for everyone. Women who don't necessarily want to dive head on into motherhood are labeled workaholics, infertile, selfish...and the list goes on. I'm here to tell you - you can be none of the above and everything will be just fine.
Will my final destination include children? Maybe, maybe not. I'm not in any rush to find out and that is okay.