The Daily Soul Volume 2
Tomorrow is my girls' very last day of school.
Man did it go by fast.
I remember the day I dropped them off for the first time like it was yesterday and here we are just moments away from the end of our third year.
It's been such an amazing experience. I wish I would have tossed aside all the irrational fear I had held on to for so long before finally deciding to enroll them.
"Do I really deserve this break?"
"What about the money?"
"What if they get sick all the time?"
"What if they cry the whole time?"
I had run through just about every horrible scenario in my mind and for months left absolutely no room for the thought that perhaps, perhaps it would be the best gift that money could buy. A gift not just for me, but a gift for them. A calm and more patient mom, a person I recognized in the mirror because for nine hours a week I would get to be Julie again, friends, an opportunity to learn things I didn't have the time or patience for. There was so much good and all I could think of at the time was the bad.
Three years later, I am happy to report that the latter ended up being true. They rarely got sick, they both skipped into school almost every day to see the dozens of friends they had made over the years, they got a mom who felt more grounded than ever before and as a result, the time we spent in the evenings and on the days during the week we didn't have school, was quality time that I truly looked forward to (most days).
My resentment and frustration for my life and its circumstances had melted away and slowly the Monday mornings I used to dread with sickening fury turned into the day I looked forward to most.
I know there are moms who don't understand the words I write. I know there are moms who love and cherish these early days and I know there are moms who are looking forward to summer just as much as their kids are, but I am not that mom and that is OK.
I've come to dread this time of year...Summer to me isn't a break and although we will make the best of it, I will for sure be counting down the days until September 5th when I get my precious 9 hours back.
The Daily Soul is a week subscription based digital newspaper from yours truly. To read more about Summer "Break", enter your email below for this issue and to get on the list for future issues.
Also in this weeks issue, "Dating After Divorce", and an update on The Redefined Day Journal, my passion project that I cannot wait to share with the world.
Have a good week my friends. We can do hard things. Be present, be kind, and be yourself.